Maine Artist Bella Weidner on Art, Homesteading, and Van Life

I have with me artist bellow Widener. Nice to have you here today. Excited to be here. I'm enjoying very much this lovely piece behind us, and I know you live on the water. Yes, I do. I live in, um, Midco Maine, so Stockton Springs, which is a very small town, but it's just like 20 minutes north of Belfast. So is this piece in any way, um, reflective of something that you saw? Yes. Um, this painting is called buck moon and it is of the B moon this summer. Um, actually it's kind of a funny story. Um, the moon was out and we have a toddler, so we had to put him to bed and I really wanted to go see it, but now we live close enough to the beach. We're just up the road so that my husband and I walked down and we saw the moon together and we had like the luxury of being able to go and be by ourselves while our son was in bed. Cuz our house is just right there. So whenever we were down there, I was like, okay, this is a painting so I took a photo and then here it is Yeah, it's, it's really gorgeous. And it's right. As the moon is emerging above the horizon, which I I know is, is basically the only time that you could actually photograph the moon. Yes. Unless you have a very special camera. No. And we just took a photo with an iPhone and it was so tiny, you know, cuz the moon doesn't look the same when you take a photo and that was disappointing and that's partially why I was like, this needs to be a painting. And a lot of my landscape paintings are kind of, um, like interpretive of what the, the actual landscape looks like. So it doesn't have to be exact and just kind of the feeling of, of being there. And, and then the reference photo kind of informed the painting. Yes. I, I love being outside the, in the Moonlight and I also love taking photos and I'm always so sad with the, uh, iPhone results. You know, you look at it, you're like, that's not what that looks like. That just looks like a little pinpoint of light mm-hmm so it must have been very, um, gratifying to be able to translate it into this lovely piece. Yes. Um, you know, oftentimes that's the way it is with when I do landscape painting, it's hard to, um, you know, do exactly what it is that's in the photo. And I, I don't necessarily really want to do that. It's um, more like emotional and, um, kind of experiential. So whenever I go to the canvas, it's like, how do I also portray what it felt like to be there? And that's kind of where the, um, you know, the, the wild colors are and, and the moon kind of glowing. It's not necessarily what was in the photograph, but it's definitely what it felt like when we were there. So as you're talking about this, I mean, it, I'm guessing that part of the emotion was also the opportunity to share it with your partner. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Again, I mean, I think that when I paint landscape, it's a little bit different from maybe other people it's more about what it feels like to be there. And, um, you know, having a, a young son, we don't necessarily have a lot of time to just like slow down and be in the moment together. Um, which, you know, is, is beautiful to also be in kind of this chaos as well. But whenever we're in this different place, like we were here watching the moon, I just felt like, you know, this is something I wanna revisit and, and kind of portray. And so whenever I did make this painting and show it to him, he was like, whoa, this is awesome. This is definitely what it felt like. Well, I, I do really like this piece and in particular, the, the purple, because I don't often think about the night as having shades of purple in it, but as I'm looking at your piece, I can absolutely see that. That would be the case. Yeah, definitely. I, um, I really love color. I feel like I'm kind of a color theorist in my painting and a lot of, um, color theory, painters I'm really inspired by. And so whenever I do like either representational or abstract work, it's often playing with color and how like it vibrates on the canvas or, um, what kind of feeling it, it gives off. Um, cuz I think it represents a lot of different emotions. You know, you can really change the vibe of a painting depending on the color. So expand on that a little bit because one of the things I love about having these conversations is I don't have a lot of formal art background. So when you say color theory, painters, what, what and color theory painting, what does that mean? Yeah, so, um, that's a big, um, whole subject. Well, it Doesn't have to be too broad, but enough just for me, the person, the casual Art Lover, who just is interested in knowing a little bit more Totally. So color theory painting is kind of like the study of how colors interact with each other and um, where it kind of caught my eye is, um, you know, when I was in college studying painting, I really fell in love with abstract expressionism, which is like a, you know, very much related to color theory painting. And um, a lot of people think of abstract expressionism as like Jackson, Pollock, you know, like throwing paint on a canvas. And there's also painters like, um, like Helen Franken Hawk, who would just put like two colors on a canvas. And just like that relationship of two colors together was like so intimate and like emotional. And when I learned about that, I was like, I, how, how is this like a thing? This is amazing. It just, it really resonated with me. And since then as a painter, um, when I, you know, put something on the canvas, it's just like, how does this color interact with this color? And how does that make me feel? And it's very abstract, but you know, the more you learn about like how colors look different when they're next to different colors, it it's kind of, um, addicting, you know, Yeah, I can absolutely see that. I mean, I, I, I know I've actually said on this show before I've talked about Rothko and, and the first time I saw Rothko and I was like, whoa, How, Oh my goodness. And it, and as a, again, not anyone who has any education in art per se, just, just how that did kind of come out for me out of nowhere. Totally. Yeah. Rothko's a great example. And also an artist that I was really inspired by, cuz it was like, here is like painting who like, you know, you, you think of painting is this kind of like two dimensional, you know, pretty thing. And then when you see an artist like Rothko, it's like you are having an experience like it's like, you know, not just this thing on the wall, it, it makes you just like, feel like you're in just a different place. It's, it's almost like spiritual, you know, it's pretty cool. So it's interesting to think about that. And the fact that, you know, at any given time you could be having a little experience with a piece of art and the idea that we put these pieces of arts piece of art in galleries and museums. So you could theoretically be having like a little mini experience every time you're stopping in front of a piece. Yeah. And around all these other people who are having these little mini experiences. Totally. Yeah. And you know, I'm sure it's different for everybody. I mean, I know it's different for everybody. Um, you know, as a painter, I get really like obsessed with just like a stroke. Like if I see a painting like in a museum, I'll be like, oh my God, like, look at the edge of this painting. It's so beautiful. It's like slightly unfinished. And like, I love those like little nuances, um, because I guess cuz of being a painter, but I think that you can reach somebody who doesn't have that, you know, experience too. And um, I like that kind of variation, you know, you don't necessarily have to notice everything, but it's still gonna impact a person in some way. Yeah. And I, you know, I've had that, what you're describing. I've also had that sense where I look at, and I'm not an artist either. You know, I haven't learned about art. I don't do art, but I've had the sense of exactly what you're describing, where there's just this little piece of this little something and, and I think, well, why am I so drawn to that? What is it about that aspect of that piece that somehow is speaking to me? Totally. Yeah. I love that too. My husband's not an artist either. And so whenever I, you know, show him a painting, he'll be like, oh this is cool. This is awesome. And I'll be like, well it's not done, you know, it's I need to keep working. And he's like, well, how's it not done? It looks so cool. And I love that, you know, conversation to reach somebody, somebody who doesn't have, you know, artistic training, but they connect with it still. Uh, I wanna talk about Jay. Yeah. Your lovely, wonderful son who has kind of grown up alongside your art mm-hmm and what it's like to balance the, the parenting aspect of your life with the art creating aspect of your life as well as the other aspects of your life. Sure. What, what is that like to raise a little artist, baby? Yeah. Um, wow. I mean, it's amazing. It's a lot of things. Um, and I, I love talking about it because it's really influenced my work a lot, but also me as a person, um, before I had my son, I was very, um, independent and like really liked to kind of do my own thing. And then I had my son and you know, they're very reliant on you and it really shook my world, um, while also being like, so in love with this like little creature that you just, you know, can't even put it into words and I felt, and I'll say this to friends, you know, I felt like there was just like this transformation that just was, you know, difficult and, and beautiful and just so many different things. Um, and as I kind of came out of it, it was like, my work was way different and it felt like I was just seeing things in a different way. I just felt like this unexplainable kind of shift, you know, in, um, me as a person and as an artist and then having him next to me, like in my studio, um, you know, grabbing my paints and my brushes and making a mess of everything. It, um, yeah, it's, it's inspiring just being in that moment of kind of chaos and, and um, just kind of like settling into it and saying like, this is my, you know, present and it's so different from what I've, you know, experienced in my entire life. So yeah. And, and, and I think what you're Des describing is so true that there's no possible way before you have another human being come into your life in that way, that you would know what that would feel like, or that you would know that it's not just the fact that you are now responsible for another little life. It's also this idea that it might actually shift the way that you experienced your own world. Yes. Yeah, definitely. Um, I found, you know, there was a time when he was really little that I would come to my studio and be like, I don't even know what to paint because I just feel like my brain is just like all about him, you know, in the, in a really great way, but I didn't even have this space, you know, mentally to be creative. And after a little bit of time, I started to come to the canvas and be like, I just need to like put a brush on the canvas. Like that's what I need to feel. And it started to feel like more therapeutic than just like going and, um, you know, needing to like grind out a painting. It felt like I, I just needed to have this outlet. And, um, just having that awareness that like painting just kind of felt good. Then my painting started to look a lot differently, cuz it was like, you know, a different part of me like of being able to express myself. Um, yeah, just totally transformed. I remember when my children were small and one of the things I experienced as a writer was that so much of my creative energy was actually going into the parenting and also to a smaller extent, my professional other life, but, but really my children that it was hard for me to kind of almost generate any sort of external creativity that would then flow onto the page. And so for me, I, I had to kind of sit with that a lot and think, well, am I ever gonna be a writer again? Am I ever gonna get this back? And mm-hmm um, and I, when I finally came to the place where I said, no, my creativity is just going in this direction right now and that's okay. You know, we'll get to the other side and it might look different. Did you ever have that sense that you know, like, oh I is, am I changing so dramatically? I'm never gonna get back to where I was. Oh totally. You know, it's funny in my life. Like I, I always did art, like even as a little kid and when I went to school, I did art, um, for my degree. And I like in different points in my life. I kind of like teetered where I was like, well, maybe I should not do this. Like maybe I should try and do something that like makes money. And like doesn't like require so much, you know, like disappointment and you know, you, as an artist are dealing with criticism and trying to, you know, it's a labor of love. But, um, I always found that like I just, I can't like, I can't not do it in college. I had a, a, a professor that had said to me at one point, um, you you're just a painter. Like you'll always be a painter. And that like always stuck with me, even with my son being born and not painting. Cuz I was like, you know what I'm thinking about paintings all the time. I just don't have the energy to do it. And then when I do do it, like now it's like I have this like whole library of ideas in my head and it's like, okay, it's just like you go through these ebb and flows. You know, That's such a great point. The, the idea that you may not be physically engaging in something that's related to your art, but you are mentally and emotionally engaging. Mm-hmm , it's kind of like the athletes who are using visualization to kind of map out their runs or their biking route or you know, whatever their competition is. Totally. And it's like, you're doing that. Yes. I am always thinking about paintings. And I just recently was thinking about this and was like, you know what? This is actually not something that other people are usually thinking about, but I'll be like driving and I'm like, oh, like I could paint this and put like this color on top of it. And like, it's just this weird, you know, thing going on in my head that I just kind of store in my brain. And then later on, I'll be, you know, because I'm so busy, I'll finally get to the studio and then be like, okay, here's all these things I was thinking about, you know, which I don't know if other people really think about that stuff, but I definitely do so Well. I remember reading once about, um, a way to keep yourself engaged in writing, for example, was that you actually stopped before you were done because it created this kind of cognitive dissonance that your brain did not really like. So it kept you coming back to the writing because your brain was like, I need to finish this. I need to get this taken care of. Yeah. So I wonder with you, if you're kind of constantly kind of Cotting on what could be happening next that when you finally get to the canvas that your brain's like, oh, thank you so much. it's such a Release here. Definitely. Yeah. And I mean also with painting, like starting a painting, I don't have the time to finish a painting when I started now, cuz it's like, okay, it's nap time. I have two hours like get a painting out. And then, you know, a bunch of other stuff will happen and I won't be able to revisit it for like a week. And when I get there, it's like, I know exactly what it is that I need to do. And that's saying something also as an abstract artist, you know, like it's not like I'm, you know, have, um, a reference that I'm like looking after and I'm like, okay, I know I need to do this, this and this. It's like abstract thinking all the time. Like I'll finish it and be like, well, this doesn't feel right. Like I need to change this composition. And like, it only makes sense to me, you know, I can't explain it until I put it on the painting. Well, and that's, um, I think it's great that you can actually say to your husband here, I have this painting. It's so wonderful. And he says, oh, well I love it. It's great. It's wonderful. And you're like, but it's not really finished yet. and, and only, you know that. Right. But I, I, I often in conversations with artists will say, but, but how do you know? You know, how do you know when it's, when it's finished not finished? And some people will say, well, yeah, it's finished, but then actually I'll bring it back into the studio after a few weeks. And I'll like, add a brush stroke or I'll add another piece of color. So isn't there simultaneously the idea that you get to a place of it being finished, but maybe it's never finished. Definitely. Yeah, for sure. I think I'm always playing with that. You know, like I know where I want it to be now and then I'll hang it up or I won't see it. Like it'll be in storage and then I'll see it again. And I'll either see it and be like, oh, I need to change this. And you know, totally switch it up or I'll be like, oh, I didn't even see it that way before cuz I've been looking at it so much that I'll like, love it more cuz it, you know, was hidden away. So it's definitely like a constant, is it done? Is it not done? Do I like it more now that I took a break or do I wanna just do a whole different one paint over it? So I once visited, um, at Eric Hopkins, the artist, who's also a Portland art gallery artist up on, uh, up on the islands, off the coast of Maine. And he has paintings everywhere. He's paintings, pieces, glass sculptures, just all over the place. And for me, I thought, wow, if you're an artist, you, you need to have a lot of space because if you have all these unfinished pieces, then you know, you're always having to kind of put things in a place so that you can come back to them. Mm-hmm so how how Does, how does that work for you? Yeah. Um, well, uh, so right now I have a studio in our house, but as far as like putting paintings up that are done, um, you know, done, as I'm saying they're done, but they're probably not. Um, we have, uh, several Airbnbs that we have and so I actually hang a lot of them up in Airbnbs, so I won't see them for a while and then I'll see 'em and be like, oh, I need to take that with me and replace it with something else. So they're definitely on the walls. We've got a lot of wall space, um, but maybe not necessarily in my studio at the moment. Well, that's actually really great. What a great way to kind of do both things at the same time. Yes, Definitely. Yeah. We, we're not short on, um, decor uh, but it's yeah, it's a lot of my paintings in the house too. So, So you do the Airbnbs and um, is this part of your cabin rental? It is. Yep. Yep. Yeah, we, um, so we have six cabins up in, on our property, up north that we live on. Um, and that is like kind of in and of itself. It is Airbnb bead, but it's, it's its own business called Steamboat Wharf cabins. Um, and they overlook the beach, um, Sandy point beach in Stockton Springs and that's just been just a super fun dream of ours. So we have that. And then we also have near Airbnb in Portland that is, um, you know, kind of designed for more of a big family to come and stay at. And so they all have my paintings set up in them. So how did you end up with that little professional side of your life? Yeah, um, you know, my husband and I, you know, kind of rewind before all this stuff happened. We lived in Cumberland, Maine, and um, we, we loved it. You know, we lived on, um, like six acres and we had chickens and, um, it was really serene, but we were also big into traveling and we had this kind of constant dilemma where we were like, well, we really wanna travel, but what does that look like? You know, when we leave our house and um, how do we like fund that? So it was really years of discussing that we were thinking about selling our house and really just only investing in properties that also made us income so that we could kind of fund our travels. And um, so back then we did sell our house in Cumberland and we purchased a property in Portland that we could Airbnb. And, um, during that time we took our camper van and we traveled the country. So it was awesome because we wouldn't have been able to do it if, you know, we were still in our house in Cumberland and the same goes for the cabins up north too. So how, how does that, how does being kind of a property maintainer, an artist, a mother of a two and a half year old, um, a wife. How does that all kind of fit together with the love of travel at this point? Yeah. Um, you know, I think they're all connected. Um, traveling has a huge, um, pull on my art, you know, I think that it really kind of refreshes my perspective. And, um, as I said before, like I, I don't just do representational work. I do abstract work too. And a lot of it really kind of is, um, S sprouted from like the landscape. So going around and traveling is really huge for that reason. Um, but also for being a mom, like, I, it was really a dream of mine before I even had my son that I would be able to give him that, um, because I didn't have that. And I just feel like it would be so, you know, beneficial for him to just see so much, you know, especially in like the world that we're in today. I think a lot of people kind of have like horse blinders on where they haven't really seen other things. And I didn't want that for him. I wanted him to kind of have a lot of choices and, and just kind of determine what he liked on his own. So everything's kind of connected. Like we felt like it was a value of ours as parents, but then also, um, as an artist, it was really important to me to switch up the landscape every now and then, and as like a partner, you know, it's super refreshing for us, you know, in a relationship to get out of our every day, you know, setting and, and explore and like learn new things together. So it's been really positive for all of those things. So I love that you're thinking so much about your son and his choices and making sure that he has a broad view of things. You also gave him a name that suggests that you're hoping for great things from him. which I suspect he will live up to given who his mother is. But tell me about the name choice. Yeah, so, um, my son's name is Chay. Um, it's actually Chay Costa, his middle name Widener. He, um, when I was thinking about his name, I wanted to give him a name that I knew, like even with trends changing, that it wouldn't come up as a trend. So, um, Chay was one of the names that was on our list. Um, for a lot of reasons I had kind of initially thought of it from Cheva. My dad is from Argentina and, um, you know, when I took my husband's name, my name became Bella Widener. And I was like, well, I still wanna have this like, you know, connection to that culture. And I don't want to lose that, you know, for my son. And so we had made this choice to give him a name that was kind of tied to Argentina. Um, so Chay kind of came about, and there was a lot of reasons like abstract and, and not like my brother's name is Dre. And so we're like, oh, it sounds like my brother's name. And, um, and then the, the word Chay and Argentina, which my dad had informed me was kind of like a greeting. Um, and so when I had told him that this was my idea to name my son Chay, he was like, oh, that's perfect. Because it's like, kind of like saying like, Hey dude, and he's like, that's a great name because it's, you know, just, it was very fitting and whenever he was born, it was just perfect. It was like, he was definitely cha. So Have you brought him to Argentina yet? No, but our plan has been for, you know, since the pandemic had happened, we were gonna take him. Um, so we haven't been able to yet, but this winter we are taking him to Mexico. So it's gonna be his first international trip. We're going to Oaxaca. Wow. Yeah. I'm, it would be interesting to, to, I'll be interested to see how he feels about that landscape and that situation. Yes. Yeah. He's definitely an Explorer, you know, he's used to a, um, being in the van and doing trips. So he, he loves an adventure now. Um, but he hasn't, he has been on a plane. He hasn't been on a plane for that long. Um, and he, of course, hasn't been in a completely different culture where everyone's speaking a different language, so, um, it'll be new for him, but knowing him, he'll be very thrilled. So How did your father end up meeting your mother who presumably is not from Argentina? Um, yeah, my, my mom and dad knew each other since they were really really little. Um, my dad came to the United States when he was a kid, um, as a, um, as a legal immigrant and then my mom, her she's adopted and she was adopted by Argentine parents. So they kind of knew each other from like that community. Um, and my mom was Spanish speaking and my dad was Spanish speaking. And so they were really good friends and they ended up getting married really young. Um, and you know, we were, we're all from California, so that's where I was born. And, um, then, you know, when my brother and I were fairly young, my parents had this dream of moving to new England. And so that's kind of how we ended up here and just like, now it feels like it wasn't that long ago, but it was probably a while ago. My dad became a us citizen, like maybe 10, 15 years ago. And that was really exciting too. So, So why was the dream new England? ? Um, my parents are both, um, very artistic and they had this, um, at least they tell me that their dream was to live in like a haunted house in new England. And so being from like the valley in California, this was a very dramatic difference. And my dad had, um, flown up to New Hampshire and was looking around for a house and the house that they ended up deciding on, which was my childhood home was just like kind of a broken down lake house in New Hampshire, um, which they repaired and, and fixed up, but it was very, very small and, um, it was just like their dream, you know, totally different from being in the valley. And how did you make it over to Maine? So I, um, it's kind of a, it was a long time coming to come to Maine when I was in New Hampshire. I, um, in high school had gone to Maine with like a high school boyfriend, you know, for a trip to see his family. And I really fell in love with it at a young age. I had this idea of moving up here and having a farm and painting and just like, you know, basically what I'm doing now. And so as a kid, I always had this in the back of my head and I loved the ocean and I went to college, um, in Beverly, Massachusetts. And basically from there, I kept creeping up the coast and I moved to, um, Exeter and then Portmouth, and then Portland, and now I'm up Northern nor well Midco Maine. Well, I, I love that there's, there's so many layers and intersections with your kind of past story and even the story you're creating as you, as you move forward, that it seems like you're not, you're not necessarily letting yourself get pulled too far in one direction or another. You're like, well, I'm gonna see where this goes. I'm gonna see how this feels. And you know, I, and I have the sense when I look at your piece, that that is, it's almost kind of a coming together of the things that you've been thinking about and exploring and feeling over the last years of your life. Yeah, definitely. Um, you know, I, I feel like that every year where things feel like they kind of align more and more, um, my dad had said something the other day, which was funny. It was like, Bella never is afraid to do what she wants to do. And I was like, you're kind of right. You know, but I'm glad that I'm kind of, um, described that way because I don't really wanna stay in one lane. And, um, in my art, you know, if I did that, it wouldn't be the way that it is today. So a lot of stuff kind of comes in, it ends up being this, um, just super deep, you know, like exploration of so many different things. So what are you working on now for your art? So there's kind of two parts to that. Um, right now in my work, there's like what I'm exploring like conceptually and then aesthetically, conceptually right now. I feel like when I paint, I'm thinking a lot about what life is like right now, you know, it feels like things are like kind of awkward, but then hopeful, but then, you know, things are changing in the world. I'm also like a new mom. So like there's so many parallels, um, that I'm just so like fascinated by that. I can't even really put into words. So when I go to a painting, I think like, how do I portray this feeling of like shifting, you know, of, of, um, having grace in a time, that's things are very chaotic. Um, and so then aesthetically, like that kind of comes out where I look at my work and I think like, I make this painting, that's beautiful. And then I wanna push it more, you know, how do I make something that kind of contradicts that, or, um, is unexpected. Um, so I'm really interested in like opposites and creating these vibrations in my work, you know, making something that's really representational and then making something that's totally abstract, but having them like work together. So it's, it's fun. It's definitely, um, like an experimental time for me. And, and as you're thinking about kind of this hope and emergence, and is there a, a sense of the color palette that you're pondering or incorporating? Yeah, definitely. Well, I mean, I never limit myself. I think my palette is probably everything , but, um, I, again, like, I love things that are contradictory, so I love colors that are like kind of ugly next to colors that are bright and, you know, um, beautiful almost too bright and beautiful. So I love kind of creating this relationship with like a muddy green and then like a bright pink, you know? Um, but again, like it could be any color on the, the pallet Well, I appreciate that you took, what was it, two and a half hours to get here? to have this conversation today Around that time. Yes. Yeah. That was a pretty huge commitment. So I I'm really, um, have a lot of gratitude for your willingness to, uh, to commit to that journey because I've, I've enjoyed our conversation very much. Yeah. Thank you for having me. I I'm, I was excited to come down. I feel like I've had so much to say, so this was a great way to kind of get it all out. and do you feel like we covered everything? I Think so. Yeah, it was pretty broad Okay. All right. Well, you're always welcome to return and we can, um, continue to, to let you cogitate on what we could talk about in the future. Sounds awesome. I've been speaking with artist, Bella Wener. You can see her work at the Portland art gallery, and I encourage you to maybe join one of our art gallery openings and hopefully Bella will be there and you'll get a chance to know her because she's a fascinating individual and I've, I've really enjoyed speaking with her today. Thank you, Bella. Thank You, Lisa.